As parents, I am sure we all can relate to what I am about to say...Parenting isn’t easy and it isn’t always fun. Now, I know that I could spin this a positive way and talk about the amazingness that is parenting, but not today. No, today I want to let y’all in on my current mom situation. Because sometimes, it’s reassuring to hear that we all struggle, that we all feel like jugglers without balance, like dancers without grace. Or in my current situation, like a tree with too many branches.
A few months back, at my daughters six year routine doctors visit, I was told that there could be a problem. She hadn’t grown or gained any weight in an entire year. If you have ever been in a room when a doctor tells you there might be a problem with your child, and hear the laundry list of things that it could be... you’ll understand what I say next. It’s like a punch to the gut that hurts so bad you are left stunned and kind of gasping for any kind of air... and yet there’s no air in the room. Tears welled up in my eyes as fear took over, words like cancer were in the air...hanging there like anvils waiting to drop and crush you. Worry, terror, confusion, and fight jump to your face creating a flurry of emotion that I would never wish on anyone. In a matter of seconds, my world stopped.
We were sent off for numerous blood tests, we even got an x-ray of her hand to check bone age. Waiting for those tests results, took every once of strength that I have. For over a week that familiar parenting weight we all carry became five times heavier. Thankfully, all of those tests came back normal, but over the course of another month...trying to get her to put on weight...there was no improvement. Next stop was to see specialists, a GI doctor and an endocrinologist. This was back in October.
And we just now, on January 2, saw one of the doctors. That wait time was excruciating. Even with all the tests that were done before, we still don’t have answers, and the GI doctor wants to run a few more tests, possibly retest others. The endocrine doctor will see us toward the end of this month. More waiting...more worry...more weight.
A tree with too many branches. That’s me. At first glance, I look sturdy and capable of holding the weight of a million branches. But what you don’t see, is the ever growing bend in my trunk, pulled down by the weight that I hold. And yet I’m still standing and growing, pushing through it all to find the light. Parenting doesn’t always look like a beautifully pruned rose bush. Sometimes it looks like the gnarled and bent tree.
Sometimes we carry more weight than we think we can handle...with each and every set back adding to the pile. As parents, there will always be weight on our shoulders. And in those times when it’s all just too much...look up.