T.S. Elliot wrote “April is the cruelest month” in The Wasteland, but I would argue that August is the cruelest. The heat this summer has been oppressive for us all, at times, but being pregnant and chasing two young children has really lengthened the summer for me. August, especially, seemed to drag on. Vacations and trips are all wrapped up and I’m stuck playing an agonizing waiting game as I wait for kindergarten and preschool to start and wait for the baby to arrive. It is an emotional time for me.
My first-born is going to kindergarten. I can and cannot believe the time is here. When Maggie was born, I gave up my career to be her stay-at-home mom. It was a very difficult decision for me because I both enjoyed and excelled in my event management career. I gave up my ambitions to be immersed in a daily routine that is, at best, difficult to control. So a big part of me breathes a sigh of relief, “We made it! She’s going to school!” However, something happened over the course of the last five and a half years: Love. I love my children. I love and embrace my role as mama. So now a big part of me laments, “She’s going to school?? She’ll never again be home as much as she has been in the last five years!” Mixed emotions, for sure. I hope and pray that I’ve poured enough into her—that I’ve given her enough of a solid foundation in these five short years—so that she will make smart decisions when it comes to her friends, her activities, and her conversations.
My son—my baby to-date—is starting preschool. I cannot believe that he will be four this year. It seems so logical that my daughter is nearly six… She is currently five, so of course six comes after five. But for some reason, Brendan’s four years have flown by at a rate which Maggie’s never did. He starts preschool this year—it’s his first real foray into the world without me. He is excited, and I am so excited for him. But I am sad! Where has the time gone?? And why has it gone so quickly? I am incredulous.
My third child is due in less than two weeks. Waiting for a baby to arrive is rough, at least for me. There is only so much one can do to “prepare.” If anyone tells you they’re ready for the arrival of another child, they are lying to you and to themselves. But never mind the physical and mental challenges… can I just vent about the emotional comments I’m getting from others?? I’m going to start being flat rude to those who say, “Three is exponentially more difficult than two,” or “You only have two hands; you’ll be outnumbered now!” I want to ask those commentators, “What is your point? Can’t you see that this baby is coming no matter what? Why do you choose to be negative?” After I had my first child, I went to a breastfeeding support group. It seemed to be a big bitch-fest for new moms. It was the first and last meeting I went to because I contended that I wasn’t going to successfully breastfeed if I continued to surround myself with such negativity. I feel the same way about my success as a mama of three: if you must make a comment, make it a nice one. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut!
And so it is easy to see why August has been such a trying month for me. I feel out of control in many areas of my life, and rightfully so. Sadly, this means that I must give something up in order to prioritize others. This is my last blog post for Fred Parent. I have enjoyed sharing my summer activities with you! My children and I will continue to explore Fredericksburg. If you happen to see us out, please say hello! But please be positive and patient with us… ♡