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Saturday, August 13, 2022

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How Not To Be a Good Dad: Summer Edition!

Summer has flown by and will be over before you know it. But there’s still some time left to get in those summer activities. Go to the beach, chill by the pool, or get your grill on. You know what there’s also time for? Being a good dad. The problem is, I still am not sure how to do that. I haven’t learned since the last one of these articles I wrote. But I’m still pretty good at ruling out some ways to NOT be a good dad. So if you’re wondering how to be a better dad during what’s left of summer, you can start by avoiding the suggestions below.

At the Beach

  • Bury your kid in the sand, then go get a beer. They’ll be fine.
  • Show them the best techniques for throwing sand in an opponent’s eyes.
  • The ocean’s pretty big, you’ll be fine just throwing your trash in there.
  • Teach your kids how to bury broken glass in their sandcastle to punish whoever knocks it down.
  • Sunscreen is for losers!
  • Don’t bother bringing water for them to drink- the ocean is filled with the stuff.

At the Pool

  • See who can run the fastest around the pool.
  • Give your kid ten bucks to bellyflop off the high dive.
  • Water wings are the same as adult supervision, right?
  • 4 words: ”Locker Room Fight Club”
  • Pee in the pool and lie about it.

At a Cookout

  • Lighter fluid fight!
  • Put bug spray on yourself but not your kids. They act as decoys, that’s DOUBLE protection for you.
  • Make your 6-year-old grill for you. How hard can it be?
  • Encourage your kids to have a hot dog eating contest and only the winner gets dessert.
  • Take their s’more and eat it in front of them (as a lesson on life’s cruelty).
  • Dare your kid to eat a bug on his burger.
  • Let them taste some raw hamburger—they say cake batter’s bad for you too, but it’s never hurt you.

I hope this gave you some good ideas of things to avoid. Now get out there in the summer sun and try not to screw up too badly!

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