The umbilical cord. It has been sixteen months to the day since medical staff severed this lifeline with my second child. Yet with both my children I feel an invisible force linking us together that has a pull as strong as magnetism. Maybe it's because for almost the last four years of my life I have either been carrying a daughter in my womb or suckling one at my breast. Maybe it's because I'm a control freak and a perfectionist; I feel the need to be with my children giving them my all (because nobody can do it better!) every waking moment. Maybe all parents experience this unseen power, but my confession lies in the fact that I have been doing my children a serious disservice by letting these feelings prevail. It has taken me thirty-nine months to realize that while I've been so focused on being the best mother I can be, I've been hindering my abilities by only doing things for my children.

This is probably the most simple, yet valuable, lesson I've learned as a parent: when I do something positive for myself, I am a better mother to my children. It's healthy for my children to see me taking care of myself and engaging in other activities, and it refreshes a parent's soul to take some time off. Do you suffer the same "invisible cord syndrome?" Are you simply looking for a new opportunity to make yourself a priority? Read on for ways local parents take time to nourish, pamper, and refuel themselves so they can be a more positive influence in their children's lives.

"If I didn't have 'Girl's Night' I'd be pulling out someone's hair, and it wouldn't be my own!" jokes Cambray Breivik, a busy Spotsylvania mom of four kids under age 8. She has a weekly date with family to go out for a cheap dinner, run errands in peace, and then end the night with a movie rental. In a more serious tone, she emphasizes that taking time for yourself really is "so important for your mental health." Women at my church feel the same way, and whenever someone needs a break they determine a night, time, and place (usually somebody's house) and email it to all the other mothers.

Natasha Roberts of Stafford takes weekly ballroom dancing classes with her husband, offered through Stafford County Parks and Recreation (658-8603, http://www.co.stafford.va.us/parks/). Natasha says of their time together, "It's like we're dating all over again!" She also attends Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS, http://www.mops.org/) at Spotswood Baptist Church two Thursdays a month, where she gets to "fellowship with other Christian mothers and kids go into a structured school-type setting."

Once a month Keri Hills meets with other women in the evening for their book club review. They take turns suggesting different works of literature, and the member who recommended the current book prepares a dish to share that goes along with the story's theme. If you want to start your own book club, utilize Internet search engines to find any information you need to get it going. If you are interested in participating in an existing group, the Central Regional Rappahannock Library hosts several and even provides online options where you receive portions of books daily by email. Check out http://www.answerpoint.org/reading_room/bookgroups.asp for details.

Colleen Hales has found a way to relax with her teenage daughter. The first Saturday of every month they engage in "spa day" and pamper each other with manicures and facials suggested in "The Body Book: Recipes for Natural Body Care" by Klutz ($21.95, Jabberwocky bookstore downtown). You could also do this with a girlfriend, sister, mother, or even your husband! This Spotsylvania mom also gets up early each morning to have time to herself and get ready for the day. She says even just a half hour before her children rise "gives me time to really wake and also to feel like I'm ready to give my attention to them."

Jodi Black, formerly a Spotsylvania mom now residing in Alabama, also takes time for herself when her two children are sleeping. She tries to make sure they both nap at the same time in the afternoon and designates this couple of hours as "me time," usually scrap booking or even napping. "This doesn't ALWAYS happen," she says, "but when it does it leaves me refreshed and able to be a better mom because I have time for myself."

So is there any hope for me, a busy and hopelessly devoted mother of two young children spaced two years apart? A good friend recently turned my life around when she told me how exercise saved hers. It's true that all the stars were aligning for this cataclysmic event. I realized a change was essential for my well-being and by extension my family's. My friend taught me an invaluable lesson when she told me the only thing that carried her through a difficult time was a commitment to exercise. Now I spend at least twenty minutes a day exercising without my children! I've found I enjoy using the stationary bike or the treadmill, so I can get some blood flowing while catching up on reading. Some days I swim laps, use weight lifting equipment, or even power walk through the mall. I also ordered "Abs, Arms, & Lower Body of Steel" ($11.82, walmart.com) and I am sculpting on a daily basis! I feel mentally and physically healthier, energized and rejuvenated, and better prepared to handle all the joys and challenges of parenting.

It's all too easy to get so bogged down by our many responsibilities that we forget our duty to ourselves. If we make ourselves a priority on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, we will be better parents. It is a positive thing to spend time away from our children, and we'll be able to take better care of them when we take care of ourselves. So make sure to mark some time on your calendar this month to do what you enjoy or try something new, and both you and your family will benefit!

Sarah Winfrey is a freelance writer and mother of two. Look for her exercising six days a week at the Spotsylvania YMCA!