Ho, ho, ho! The holidays are nearly upon us and yet, like many of us, I feel less than merry at the thought of all the coming festivities. The idea of trying to fit in extra shopping, cooking, decorating and travel is, well, overwhelming. I know, I know, I am hardly the first one to have had these thoughts. Holidays are stressful and overwhelming for many, especially parents. But does it have to be this way? Couldn't we come up with an alternative?

Goodness knows, I've tried. My first attempt was in 1990. Inspired by the 20th anniversary of Earth Day and ready to save the planet, I made up a drastically different sort of Christmas list, including gifts such as long underwear and rechargeable batteries. Opening my presents that particular Christmas morning was about as much fun as a trip to Sears or Wal-Mart. As I gathered up the used wrapping paper (smoothing it out carefully and folding it for re-use), I realized that pure austerity was not the way to go.

Over the next decade or so I lapsed back into my excessive, consumer and greed-driven American ways. I asked for and received jewelry, books, perfume, home accessories and various other goodies. Sure, I had some simplifying and waste-reducing impulses along the way: I continued to save and re-use wrapping paper and bows as well as the by-then ubiquitous gift bags. I often asked for gifts from organizations that practiced earth-friendly techniques (clothing made from organic cotton, for example), and printed my holiday letters (you know, the ones you love to hate) on paper reclaimed from my office's recycling bin. But it wasn't until I had my two children, in 2002 and 2005, that I realized I really needed to try and modify our family's version of the Traditional American Christmas, both for the sake of my own sanity and because I don't want them to see Christmas as simply one long "wish list".

In pursuit of this goal, I purchased a slim book called Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case For A More Joyful Christmas, by Bill McKibben. I had a real "Ah-ha!" moment while reading this book...when the author points out that the problem with today's Christmas celebrations is not really in the excessive gift-giving and consumerism. Once upon a time, in fact, when Americans worked hard and had few luxuries, the sharing of hard-earned presents was, indeed, the best way to demonstrate love and caring to each other.

No, the problem is that today most of us have just about all the "stuff"--quotidian as well as luxurious--that we could possibly ever use. We have filled our houses and even sometimes rent storage units to accommodate all our material goods. Our children have bedrooms, toy rooms, play rooms and basements all crammed with books, dolls, games, videos, toys, and even pieces of toys. Do we, any of us, really need more material possessions? Probably not. What are we starved for, however? McKibben makes this very clear: time. Time to come together as a family and enjoy one another's company. Time to take a walk outdoors and scatter seed for the birds and squirrels. Time to sit down and do a craft with our children before they want no part of it, or of us.

I was fired up after I read this book. I set out to convert my family. I had visions of us engaged in all sorts of Meaningful Experiences. We'd visit nursing homes and bring cheer to the elderly and infirm! We'd build birdhouses and scatter seeds! We would even attach the seeds to pinecones with peanut butter and hang these treats outdoors for the birds! I couldn't wait...

Last year I managed one Touching Family Get Together. I wrangled my daughter a slot in my church's holiday pageant, as a sheep, and invited my parents, sister and brother-in-law to attend. Katherine was the cutest little sheep you ever saw. Unfortunately, she was also a scared little sheep and so I had to stay back stage with her for much of the show to comfort and calm her. When her big moment arrived, and the shepherd herded the flock onto the stage, I ran outside and around the church, panting, I made my way back through the crowd and joined my family. My brother-in-law, Frank, was barely able to control his laughter as he told me, "While you were running around the church, Katherine got out here and dashed away from the rest of the
sheep, crying, I mean baa--ing, 'I want my mommy!!'"

Oh well, I tried...

My attempts to curtail the gift giving last year were even less successful. Unfortunately, as it turns out, my family likes the big old pile of gifts under the tree. So...I had to re-think my game plan yet again, and I have been continuing to do so this Fall.

What I've come up with at this point is a modified extravaganza. I will continue to partake in the gift-giving, because, heck, I agree it is fun, and I don't want to impose my standards unfairly upon the rest of the family. But I will try to attack the wasteful aspect of it. All those new goods. The packaging. The cost to the environment of the manufacturing process and transportation. It's all just too much and this is the area where I am trying to cut back.

My solution?-- I've taken to buying some gifts at yard sales or second hand venues (yes! really! and they are quite nice, too, you'd be amazed if you tried it...but then again, please don't, as the competition for the pristine goods is already pretty heated), and making other gifts by hand. Granted, I know I will still buy some items new, but not any more than I can help. And...rather than telling my daughter, when she asks for a certain toy or game, "Maybe you'll get it for Christmas", I'm modifying that statement to a simple, "Maybe."

As for the birds and the seeds and the cones and the houses, well I have high hopes for those sorts of activities too, but I'm putting them on hold for a couple more years. Once my 16 month old son is a bit older and can participate in a helpful manner, rather than a destructive one, I think we can attempt a few crafty endeavors.

I think I'll pull out my copy of A Hundred Dollar Holiday again, as Christmas approaches. A re-read just might give me even more inspiration for how to simplify my holidays as well as ideas of how to make them more joyful.

Mary Becelia is a free-lance writer, mother of two, and part-time employee at the
University of Mary Washington.