What is it with kids of a certain age and "bathroom talk?" Why is this sort of conversation, along with generalized insults, so darned hilarious to them?
During a typical over-breakfast exchange this morning, I recorded Katherine (nine) and Robert (six) sharing the following bons mots which I have recreated into some semblance of a conversation for your reading pleasure.
Katherine, speaking through a mouth half-filled with cereal, "He called me a dang idiot!"
Robert, "Well, she wrote it down first!" -- Yes she did, I later found the evidence scrawled on a napkin, "Robert is a dang idiot all the time."
Warms a mother's heart, seeing something like that, I tell you.
Me, shouting from the kitchen sink, where I am scrubbing out the cats' food bowls, "That is ENOUGH of that sort of talk! Stop it right now, both of you!"
A few moments pass. Silence, or at least normal conversation, reigns. Then...
Robert, while dissecting his pear and declaring it "disgusting" starts humming and singing "Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day. If you won't, I don't care, I will pull your underwear."
Katherine, shouting from the bathroom where she is brushing her hair, "That is SO STUPID! Rain doesn't have underwear!"
Robert, "It does too! And it has a bottom! I am going to pull down its underwear and see its bottom!"
The lyrics are breathtaking in their simplicity, "You are a toilet toon...You are a toilet toon..."
Katherine, sticking her head around the corner, and brandishing her brush at her little brother, "It does NOT have underwear, or a bottom and you are an idiot!"
Me, "I thought I told you that is ENOUGH OF THAT SORT OF TALK!! If I have to speak to you again, there is going to be a consequence!"
After a brief crying spell over the reprimand from Mommy, compounded by increasing distress about his horrible pear, Robert starts singing a jaunty new tune. The lyrics are breathtaking in their simplicity, "You are a toilet toon...You are a toilet toon..."
Me, giving up on discipline and entering into the whole ridiculous fray, "What on earth is a 'toon'?"
Robert stares at me blankly, while continuing to hum, leading me to wonder, "Is the child, indeed a 'dang...'?"
No, perish the thought, not my little boy! Fortunately I do not articulate the question thus saving myself from a "consequence."
But Robert is only getting started on the morning's brilliant repartee. Now he is really off to the races as he starts to chant, "I wanna, wanna go toilet!"
This little ditty was learned a few days ago from one of Katherine's girlfriends, a charming, young lass who will remain anonymous in these pages.
Katherine joins him, "I wanna, wanna go toilet!" they scream in unison.
Having finally reached my limit, I bolt for the bathroom, slam the door, and in a desperate attempt to drown out the shrieking, the infernal shrieking, stick my head in the.......ok, not really. I didn't do that...but I was tempted!