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Family Chatter

mommy-phone
By Mary Becelia

The recent hit song TELEPHONE by Lady Gaga caught my ear immediately. I wasn't sure why at first. Sure, it has a great beat, but my dancing and clubbing days are way in the past...and pre-dated cell phones and texting by more than a few years, so why did it appeal to me so much?

Then it started to come to me...the memory of the phone ringing when I could not get to it because I was nursing an infant. There it was, so tantalizingly close--just a few feet too far away, bleating at me insistently while the baby nursed away with great enthusiasm. Should I break the latch and risk a squalling infant? Could I reach just a few more inches without disturbing her? No and no...it was never worth the possible consequences, and so I incurred my husband's ire many a time..."Can't you just keep the phone next to you all the time?" was one of his politer suggestions for fixing this problem.

Even when I could get to the phone, it seemed that the cacophony in the background made any sort of civilized conversation all but impossible...still does in fact, even with my kids now in early elementary school! So this one goes out to all the moms, but most especially the nursing moms who don't have a Bluetooth earpiece--a solution that did not exist back in 2002!

Hello, hello honey
You called
I can't hear a thing
The toddler is yelling
And the baby is wailing

Wha-wha-what did you say
Are you breakin' up
on me

Sorry I cannot
hear you
I'm kinda busy

K-Kinda busy
K-Kinda busy
Sorry I cannot hear you
I'm kinda busy

Just a second
Now the toddler's
got the paccie
And I cannot text you
While I'm chasing
Him, eh.

You shoulda
Called when they
Were napping
You knew that I
Was free

And now you
won't stop
Calling me
I'm kinda busy

Stop callin'
Stop callin'
The baby's
Drifting off
I got the paccie
And the kid is
In time out

Stop callin'
Stop callin'
The baby's drifting off
I got the paccie
And the kid is in time out

Call when you want
But now I've lost my phone
And you're not gonna
Reach me on the phone

I'm out on the bed
And I'm nursing our grub
And there's no way
I can find my telephone

Call when you want
I found my phone
But I can't
reach my telephone

Out on the bed
And I'm nursing our grub
And there's no way
I can reach my telephone

Boy the way you blowin'
up my phone
Won't make him nurse no
Faster
Reach my phone no faster
Reach my phone no faster

I shoulda left the ringer
Off
Cause this is a disaster
My life is a disaster
Sorry I cannot answer

Not that I don't
like you
I'm just stuck to this
Kid

And I am sick
and tired
of my phone
r-ringing-ing

Sometimes I feel like I live
In Grand Central station
Today I'm not
takin' no calls
'Cause I'll be nursing

'Cause I'll be nursing
'Cause I'll be nursing

Today I'm not
Takin' no calls
'Cause I'll be nursing
'Cause I'll be nursing...

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