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Kristen is a home­maker, home­schooler, and a home­keeper. Her experience includes nineteen years of practice, raising three kids, a husband, and a dog. Writing about her life helps her stay sane. She believes that sharing stories helps others by providing opportunities to share advice (and helpful hints) about homeschooling, and raising kids on the autism spectrum, while supporting marriages and families that are striving to thrive.

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We're All a Little Mad Here

 

 

I am so guilty of trying to worry over everything that I forget to enjoy the here and now!  I remember being in my early twenties wishing my life away. I wished I could find that special someone. I wished I could be done with school. I wished I had a cool job (and a cool car). When all of that was accomplished, of course, I wished I had the perfect engagement ring, and the perfect wedding. Then I was wishing for pregnancies, nursery furniture, and a new house. I mean, honestly, I was a hot mess with all that wishing going on.  

I bet if you ask any older (experienced) parent what is one thing they would do differently knowing what they knew now, it would be to worry less. Time flies, so enjoy the here and now. There will always be laundry to do, floors to mop, and shelves to dust. Chores are perpetual, aren’t they? Enjoy your present moments with your family. Enjoy the stages your kids are in, because one day they will be teenagers (if they aren’t already), and they will be embarrassed to cuddle with you in public, and they won't want to do anything you suggest. Or, they will be in college, or married, or living in another country, so relish your current stage and your current family season. It’s easy to give such advice, I know, and harder to follow such advice, I also know. I have a hard time with this myself, even now. I’m a clean floor girl, and we have a Labrador. Imagine how often I feel the need to vacuum. The hair never ends. Ever. Little poofs of awesome Lab hair are constantly being poofed into the air at our house.

 

 

So, along the lines of enjoying the present moment, I wanted to speak to the importance of enjoying your spouse (significant other) right here, right now. Too often, we are so busy wishing for the next stage of life, that we forget to focus on the stage we are in, and we forget to focus on the one we are in this life stage with. Remember that you were a girl or boy friend before you were a parent. Your time and attention was on your spouse long before you ever had a baby. I’ve seen so many couples forget this. It is heartbreaking to see married friends separate, and/or get divorced. I pray and love on the hurting separated friends, for sure, but it is still heartbreaking, and it is still a very hard struggle for those going through tough marital moments.

In no way am I implying that staying together is as easy as just paying attention to your spouse, but often it is a good place to start if things seem to be falling apart. It can be a hard pill to swallow, but your spouse certainly deserves time and attention, in addition to your children. I know when I was a mother for the first time, I was livid with anger when (quite honestly) my husband mentioned his needs weren’t being met. Believe me, I was on the warpath instantly!  It is not easy to take care of a baby for the first time, nurse/feed them, figure out how to soothe them and heal from the delivery, and get some rest… and care for the needs of a husband… all at once. We had some very honest talks (sometimes very heated as well) those first few weeks. We both needed to show grace toward one another, and we both needed to give one another time and attention. We found we had to communicate everything, in plain English, and without shouting, very, very frequently.  

 

 

Let me tell you- those talks have never stopped.  Each stage of family and parenting life has brought different demands on our time and attention, and unfortunately, it seems like our marriage relationship is the very thing that takes the greatest hit. Kids are demanding on a good day, and they do need more from us than our spouses do in terms of safety, nurturing, and development.  I challenge you (and myself) though, to think of what your spouse needs, and don’t be ashamed to put them first.  

Obviously, I’m not saying to neglect your children, I'm merely suggesting that putting time aside- non-negotiable time- for your spouse will do wonders for your marriage relationship. It’s tough to not let the drama of child rearing interrupt that time, and emergencies do happen, but it is so worth it to remember your grown up loved one, every day, non-negotiated, to remind them they are important to you, too. 

I could not do this family without Mark. It has not always been super happy, and certainly it has never been without conflict, but we are a team. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, we have promised each other to stay committed and to choose love and forgiveness. We constantly remind each other that we are important, and we need our time. Date nights are great, but everyday moments are just as powerful.

There will be ups and downs, and good days, and bad days, but enjoy those days.  Enjoy all the days and moments that are right now. Right now will never happen again. Marriage moments need to be an important part of your family raising so that you can weather tough times, and be so thankful for the gift of the present times.

Keep calm. Enjoy your family. Parent on!

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