It's my first blog post for 2015! I write from the comfort of my couch with Percocet in hand and a yummy hazelnut latte chaser.
I started radiation on December 1st and it's been a tough stretch. I know Steve and the kids are ready for us to move on. I can always count on six-year old Jack to ask his weekly question, "When is this going to be over?" He and his little sister love riding the clock ride at Chuck E Cheese's. Ironic, right?
Something that we didn't plan for was radiation being as rough as chemo. Because I'm having pretty aggressive radiation to my breast and lymph nodes, the fatigue and pain has been a doozy! Also, I don't think the kids dig the Frankenstein look on my neck and chest area - I have more Sharpie marks and stickers on me than a pre-schooler's art project!
It hasn't been easy starting off the new year feeling kind of stuck. I've had moments of feeling pretty lousy about myself, especially physically, because I think I get caught up in the idea that I SHOULD be making a new year's resolution. And the funny thing is, I think I've had this same resolution crisis every year, at about the same time each year, two weeks in. How crazy is that?!
Then, I saw Dr. Wayne Dyer's blog about resolutions and I appreciated his different take on the idea - that the more effective resolution (if you even call it that) is to make behavioral changes in the moment, to live in the present and know you can't control what September will look like.
You can read the full blog at: http://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/resolve-to-get-real/
As a mom, it isn't always easy to take one day at a time; planning for the future is a huge part of the job description. It's good that Steve has a spontaneous spirit, but it does challenge me! Hopefully, by recognizing the value of the present a little more, I'll be helping my kids to do the same (a slow down and smell the roses kind of thing).
For me, 2014 was "a profoundly shitty year*." It's hard not to have a lot of expectations for 2015. What I think is helpful to remember is that it's all temporary, that things will change because of my actions and actions of others. So, for now, I'll enjoy the view from my couch and take one day at a time. Now, where's my hazelnut latte?
*This is Where I Leave You with Tina Fey and Jason Bateman - watch it!