- Category: Living Purposefully
- Posted on Saturday, April 30, 2016
- Written by Tammy Lancaster
As hard as it is to admit, I am the cause of my unhappy mindset as of late. I have been knee deep in a mudslide of stressful life situations. The one causing me the most angst is feeling like I am not heard or understood in my marriage. My outlook on it hasn’t helped at all. Bitterness, resentment, frustration and anger have seeped into my typically positive, joyful, optimistic way of living. I’ve been snappy, short tempered, and such a little brat. At certain times, I avoid contact with my spouse because there are unresolved topics between us, and I want them fixed! It makes me crazy when he doesn’t place them in the same “important-handle now!” file that I do.
I admire his relaxed approach to the matters…you know, “Don’t worry! It will work out. Be patient, honey!” I’m over here like, “I’m not worried, but how will it work out? What is the first thing we need to do? How long do you think it will take? Should we drop back and punt to try another method, or stay the course?” The unknown and I don’t get along real well!
I strive to be open minded and honest in my relationship. I prefer to discuss significant matters until I have thoroughly processed them. Even when there is not an immediate solution, I want to talk about it until I feel better. I guess my emotions get the best of me, and if I feel strongly that something should be done. I want to work at it until it’s improved. Maybe that is selfish of me, and maybe not. I don’t really know. One thing I know for sure is that I need to respect our differences and learn to work with our strengths while we figure it all out.
Usually I am able to find the good in life, regardless of what I might be going through. Somehow, that hasn’t been the case for me recently. Shutting cabinets forcefully, and throwing out sarcastic remarks to my family, is not very becoming! There is no reason for me to be letting my circumstances dictate my attitude, because I believe with all my heart that God is good; no matter what I’m facing, I know I will get through it with His help. It is still up to me to do something about my cranky demeanor.
When I met my husband back in 2005, life felt a little more carefree. I was more spontaneous and was able to go with the flow more often. Now I see myself consumed with life events and circumstances, prohibiting me from feeling the freedom I once did. I confess that I am struggling to see the good above the difficult. I want to change, so one thing that helped was for me to sit with my husband and have a conversation about where we are in life. It was beneficial to listen to each other and realize how our thoughts, dreams and goals impact our personalities and our marriage. We haven’t had a lot of quality time together lately due to work schedules and the busyness of life. That has had a negative bearing on our relationship. We both agreed that it will take effort to make sure that we spend more time together.
Playing tennis the past two weekends was our first attempt at hanging out. What a great decision! We had a blast, and it felt terrific to spend valuable time with each other. Laughing, talking, exercising, and enjoying fresh air was so meaningful to me. Afterwards, I realized how such a simple act could begin mending some hurts that were sitting deep within my heart. Who would have thought a simple game of tennis could be so impactful!
In the famous words of Rob Base, “It takes two to make a thing go right…it takes two to make it outta sight!” My husband and I plan on purposefully spending more time together, which will strengthen our bond. I can’t wait to see what positive effects our efforts have on our marriage. Now that the weather is nicer, we plan on biking together, as well as finding more outdoor activities to try. Hopefully some boating and fishing is in the near future as well! Even though he and I have different taste in how to spend our free time, I’m sure we can find some common ground to make the moments we share more meaningful.