I wish that I could start this second post with news of my wonderful success and my immense strength to overcome the temptations that abound. But alas, here I am again...
It has been a rough week folks ☹
I am a big creature of habit and feel my best if I have some structure to my day. I had made a goal at the start of the new school year to establish a routine and keep it. And boy was I successful ...for about a month. Late last week my early morning walk was disrupted by a stalker vehicle that decided to follow me down my block and scare the living heck out of me. Sad to say, my favorite part of the day was now ruined. Even though I was fine and the person drove off, it unnerved me enough to consider if walking in the dark at 6:30am was the wisest choice I could make. This event triggered in me a strong desire for comfort and even after several phone calls to my hubby, my mom, and a few friends I found no relief.
Where does a stressed gal turn then? You got it- the local drive-thru for my big hug in a cup (otherwise known as my Large Diet Coke for $1 -what a deal!) It was all downhill from there. My food that day consisted of 3 diet cokes, a biscuit sandwich, a Goobz from Sheetz (yummy goodness at about 600 calories a pop), and a secret ice cream cone stop all by myself. And I was wondering why I was so jittery all day!
I felt robbed, robbed of that peaceful time in my morning that I had worked hard to create. I used that feeling of negativity to excuse my terrible food behavior. It was then, though, that I began to think about this journey that I have chosen to go on and how disappointed I was in myself for so quickly abandoning it all for a quick fix in the form of chocolate and caffeine. Our lesson this past class was to parent with bravery. Was I brave? I thought I was. I could try a new vegetable with the best of them, but could I find the bravery within me to keep driving past that McDonalds? Was I brave enough to really get to the bottom of what brought me there in the first place?
Let's get real. I want to change. I think many of us have a strong desire to be something different than we are, but lack the courage to get ourselves there. Since I was in my teenage years, I have longed to be thinner, to be kinder, to be more like almost anyone that I came into contact with. And here I am at 41 years old with the same longings in my heart and honestly no closer to getting there. The reality is I need to be BRAVE. If I am going to parent bravely, I need to find the strength within to face my weaknesses head on, to accept who I am, and to STOP trying to be something that I am not.
As I reflect on this whole healthy eating thing, I realize yet again that I am misguided in my reasons for doing it. There is this huge part of me that truly believes that as long as I go through the motions, I can continue to secretly eat whatever the heck I want and go on. So here I am being BRAVE and admitting that I am in no way succeeding at this! I have a long way to go and I don't know if I will ever get there. I do know one thing for sure though, honesty is a requirement.
With that I leave you with my awesome bowl of Yum loaded with pretty much all things that I never eat.
The best conversation I had this past week in class was when I said, "How can something like this ever be as good as a piece of chocolate cake?" And the response that I received I have been reflecting on all week- It doesn't have to be!!
I think that I have been looking at this all wrong. I have to stop comparing my food just like I need to stop comparing myself.
Now go eat something good for you ☺