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Shannon Enos is a wife, recovering Pinterest addict, and homeschooling mom of two young girls. Her hobbies include analyzing music with her husband, pretending she’s going to finish that crocheting project she started 4 years ago, and making lists of things she has already completed just so she can cross them off. Shannon values truth, education, the arts, open minds, humor, and “Nashville" binges on Hulu. She believes that learning happens everywhere, whether you’re paying attention or not.

 



It's All Learning

Memorandum

 

To: People in society

Cc: All humans

Re: Common sense

 

This will serve as a public service announcement. Please consider all points and nod in agreement. Nodding will be considered nonverbal acceptance of these terms.

 

Effective immediately and in an effort to make society a kinder, calmer place to exist, the following will be Law of the Land:

 

Grocery Stores

 

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  1. Please treat grocery store aisles as two-way streets. If you would not park your car on the double yellow line and walk away, please consider not doing so with your grocery cart.

  2. Parking lot spaces are not the same thing as cart return corrals. Even if you put the cart as close to the front of the space as you possibly can. Still not the same.

  3. If you decide not to buy the 3 lb. strip steak, please do not put it on the Uncle Ben’s rice shelf. That shelf is NOT refrigerated. All dry goods shelves are NOT refrigerated. Please return to meat aisle and place on refrigerated shelf. Should you choose to ignore this advice, please do not be upset when, during clean up time, your three year old puts his slime back -- in your bed.

  4. If someone would greatly benefit from cutting in front of you in line, please let them cut in line. This includes people with five or less items when you have a cart full.

  5. Please discontinue your casual, loud cell phone conversations. No one needs to hear all about embarrassing Uncle Larry or the details of your child’s last vomiting session while trapped behind you aisle after aisle.

 

Driving

 

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  1. Please note the two sticks on either side of your steering wheel. One operates the wipers; the other operates your turn signal. When needing to turn, please use the stick designated for turning. Please activate it before turning or changing lanes. If you activate this stick and the wipers turn on, it’s the other one.

  2. Please apologize after a driving mistake. If you accidentally cut someone off, it is customary to wave ”sorry.” Using just one finger to do this is not customary and means something very different. If you know that and you meant to use one finger to gesture at the person you just cut off, then you are not taking responsibility for your actions.

  3. Painted lines in parking spaces are not intended as suggestions. Please park so that your tires -- all of them -- are within the lines. If you see that you did not pull that off the first time, please back out and try again until you are within the lines.

  4. Please, for the love of all that is holy, use the left lane for upcoming left hand turns and passing ONLY. A turn four miles down the road is not considered upcoming. If drivers are passing you on your right (and you are not about to turn left) that will serve as a signal to you that you need to move to the right. NOW.

  5. Please no texting and driving. Besides the obvious reasons, people will judge you and use you as the example to their children of a horrible person and I am pretty sure your thumbs will turn black and fall off as a karmic reaction.

 

Door-Related

 

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  1. Please HOLD THE DOOR for people behind you. This can be accomplished by 1) checking behind you to see if someone is there, 2) if someone is, pass them the door or hold it for them. If no one is there, you are free to let it go.

  2. In cases of double-door entryways, please use the door on the right. ALWAYS.

  3. If you see the following individuals approaching a door, please grab and hold the door open for them:

    1. Person on crutches

    2. Person in wheelchair

    3. Person pushing stroller or wheeled cart of some kind

    4. Person carrying lots of stuff

    5. Person who is elderly or has physical challenge

  4. After exiting, should you need to pause to consider something, please move to the side so that the people behind you can exit and not get crushed in the automatic doors. Same rule applies after entering.

 

Miscellaneous

 

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  1. Please be advised that your child’s teacher is NOT out to get your child. She is not. She just isn’t.

  2. Please remember that tipping in full service restaurants or for food delivery is not optional. Even if the food was late. Even if it didn’t taste good. Even if your server or delivery person rubbed you the wrong way. Did someone bring you your food when before you had none? Then you tip. Nine times out of ten, problems with the experience is not the fault of your server or delivery person.

  3. Please resist the well-meaning urge to help a child get down off the playground equipment/tie his shoe/carry multiple items a short distance/get her scooter or bike unstuck. And please do not shoot the parent a judgy look. Odds are the parent is trying to teach his or her child to become an independent problem solver. Trust that the parent will step in if necessary.

  4. Please drive the speed limit (or below) on neighborhood streets where children are playing. Children, even the good ones, can be impulsive. You don’t want to be responsible for injuring or killing someone’s kid because you were going 48 mph down a neighborhood street where kids were playing. You really don’t. You were a child once, too, and no one killed you with their car, so return the favor.

  5. Please note, pedestrians have the right of way at crosswalks without signaling devices. if you are driving downtown or in a parking lot or anywhere else with a crosswalk with no signaling device, it is state law that drivers yield. This means YOU MUST STOP and let them go when you see them waiting to cross. Even if you are in a hurry. Even if there are a lot of them. Even if one is walking a pet turtle. Stop and let them cross. And smile at them. (Side note: Pedestrians, it might be nice if you use the aforementioned thank you wave here.)

 

Thank you for your kind attention to these matters. Feel free to comment with additional concerns we may have missed!

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