Editor’s note: This article includes discussion of anatomical terms for body parts.

In the Discord chat server for the local dads’ group that I run, one of the fellow dads posed a question that prompted some good discussion:

"So, this is an awkward question, but I feel confident my wife is... Not wrong but being weird. If you have a daughter, what do you call their lady parts? My wife, raised by a doctor, just tosses 'penis' and 'vulva' around like that's a normal way to talk to kids, and she's not 'wrong' but I feel like there's a cutesy 'peepee' or 'wewe' term out there for lady parts and I just can't think of it."

Ah, yes. The problem that we all run into as parents. What do you call the things between your kid’s legs? What words should you and your kid use?

Some people don’t want to have to say the word. They would rather have a cutesy term for it to keep the proper word at arm’s length. 

What's the opinion of actual authorities on the subject? Most experts agree that you should use the proper anatomical terms when discussing reproductive organs with your kids. The goal is to be straightforward and avoid confusion, as well as to avoid making them think there’s something “dirty” about their parts. They should be able to communicate with you or the doctor about any problems they have. 

Dr. Cora Breuner, pediatrician and author of the sex education guidelines for the American Academy of Pediatrics, put it simply on how to talk about it. “You just say it in a way that's the way you would say, brush your teeth, as opposed to saying, that's your female parts or that's down there.”

I think a part of it is our own discomfort around those words. Perhaps growing up, we were taught not to use those words in polite company, or that they were bad words. But as parents, we need to healthily communicate with our children.

The anatomical names for certain body parts can be embarrassing if shouted by a four-year-old in the middle of the grocery store but they’re necessary for communicating. What if something hurts? They need to be able to clearly tell us or the doctor.

The other dads on the Discord server tended to agree, and responded to the question-asker with some straightforward and helpful advice.

"Just use the actual names. I'll admit it takes some getting used to hearing your toddler say 'this is my penis' but it helped us immensely."

"Yeah, probably best to be explicitly clear with body parts, so they can explain things better back to you."

"We are very open about calling things what they are. Like that kids have the options to communicate and be understood. Also, they could talk to other adults or caregivers if something happens."

"In this house we use the anatomical parts. Good to know when describing problems."

Parenting problems rarely have straightforward solutions, but in this case the right way forward for your kids is pretty clear. So the next time you need to have a conversation with your kids about their private parts, you can approach it knowing how to tackle at least one part of it. Good luck!