THE PROBLEM: I’m the mom of five-year-old twins, and lately our house feels like total chaos. They bounce off the walls, argue constantly, and ignore directions unless I raise my voice (which I hate doing). My husband and I have always been pretty loose and free-spirited with our schedule. Bedtime shifts depending on the day, meals happen when they happen, and we don’t follow a strict routine because we wanted our kids to feel relaxed and creative — not over-scheduled.

But now they’re unruly, exhausted by the end of the day, and honestly… so am I. Is this just a phase with twins, or are we missing something?

MARY SAYS: I’ve never been a ‘twin mom,’ so I can only imagine how much energy it takes to be one. No matter what you do, you’ll probably continue to feel a degree of exhaustion until your children are older.

But there are ways to take it down a notch.

You’re pretty relaxed and spontaneous when it comes to routine, and it’s quite possible your children will grow up to be that way, too.

But not yet.

Small children thrive on routine. A tightly run ship is like a container for them; a safe place for them to grow and explore. If they can’t count on consistency in their environment, they’ll subliminally think it’s up to them to take control.

Being in charge is frightening for a child. What you’re seeing in your chaotic household is quite likely anxiety—two children who are making their own decisions about what they want to do in a big, scary world.

Because routine doesn’t come naturally for you, sit down with your husband and map out a typical day for your twins. Set rules, boundaries, and specific times for daily activities—then stick to them.

Your kids will resist at first, but you’ll soon see the weight of the world fall from their shoulders. Routines offer safety for children, and for you, it will almost feel like Mary Poppins has moved in.

 ASK MOM offers parents a rearview perspective on today’s child-rearing issues from a mom with grown children. If you’re looking for creative solutions, or your mom isn’t around to ask, drop in! 

If you have a question for Mary, she’d love to hear from you! [email protected]

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Suzanne Johnson, mother of five children and grandmother of eight, is an illustrator, book cover designer, and author of the Realms of Edenocht series.