Grief can feel isolating, but connection brings comfort. At Mary Washington Healthcare, the Grief Support Services team helps families find understanding and strength together.

 

One in 12 children in Virginia will experience the loss of either a parent or a sibling by the age of 18, according to Judi’s House/JAG Institute, in conjunction with the New York Life Foundation. Yet, for many, knowing how to face grief or support someone who is grieving can feel overwhelming.

 

“Culturally, we tend to shy away from grief because the feelings are really uncomfortable. I think the more attention and awareness we can bring to [the myriad of] normal grief responses, the better,” said Mary Beaven, Community Outreach and Bereavement Liaison for Mary Washington Healthcare Grief Support Services.

 

Beaven went on to note that grief is a whole-body experience, extending beyond emotions like sadness, anger, worry, denial, and shock. It also includes physical reactions, like brain fog and fatigue.

 

“In kids, especially, we see a lot of body aches, like headaches and stomachaches,” she said.

 

Oftentimes, parents struggle with knowing how much to say to children and finding the right words to discuss death. Grief education, including how to talk to children about death, is just one of the ways Beaven and the team at Mary Washington Healthcare Grief Support Services help families navigate grief.

 

Beaven remarked that it’s important to give children short and honest answers when it comes to death, and to use the straightforward word “die” instead of phrases like “passing away.”

 

Additionally, she noted, “It’s important to create space so that your child knows it’s okay to talk about these things.” 

 

Beaven also emphasized the importance of normalizing responses to grief, for example, when a child is having trouble concentrating at school. She noted, “These are normal parts of grief and not necessarily something to fix. And I think that’s a really hard part for loving, caring parents, as we want to take away the pain and the hard parts. We have to learn to sit with those uncomfortable feelings and to be okay with just listening and not trying to fix whatever's going on.”

 

On the other hand, Beaven noted that there are certain red flags for parents to be aware of when children are grieving. For example, if a child is struggling to return to any sort of normalcy after several months, or if they were previously social but are now isolating themselves, parents should seek additional support.

 

Beaven said that children often don’t grieve in the same way that adults do. Especially in younger children, they may still play and seem relatively fine from the outside, but their play is how they process grief, and it often includes exploring themes like death. Regressive behaviors, such as a child starting to suck their thumb or wet the bed again, as well as outbursts of strong emotions, can also be observable forms of grieving in children.

 

Another misconception of grief, when it comes to both grieving children and adults, is that it is time-constrained.

 

Beaven said, “Our expectation is that at some magical time, our grief will disappear, and that's not what most people experience.  Most people, when they think about that person who has died…still feel the pain of that very intensely, but because we're moving forward and we’re taking steps to reinvest in life, our life is getting bigger, so those pain points are less frequent.”

 

She continued, “Now, we do learn to cope, and we do learn to adjust, but it takes a long time, and there's no right or wrong timeframe.”

 

In fact, Beaven noted that many people who contact her looking for grief support are those who lost someone years prior – it doesn’t have to be a recent loss.

 

In addition to providing educational resources, Mary Washington Healthcare Grief Support Services offers no-cost access to grief support groups, camps, and school groups, which is largely made possible due to the donations of generous community partners. Loss-specific support groups are available for children, adults, and whole families, and are open to the greater community, not just those affiliated with Mary Washington Healthcare.

 

Beaven emphasized the importance of connection, which these support groups and camps provide, when navigating grief.

 

“Grief is very isolating,” said Beaven. “Finding connection removes that sense of isolation. Being in a room with people who actually understand…is one of the most healing parts of this grief work.”

She continued, “While grief is unique in that we're all going to experience loss differently, we are able to come together through some of these common themes of grief.”

 

She went on to say that the support groups are a safe place for people to express themselves openly and honestly. She emphasized that people are not failing if they ask for help and that one can be both resilient and vulnerable. She said, “I am a strong person, I am a resilient person, and I cry sometimes because this hurts."

 

Whether navigating loss yourself or supporting someone who is, connection can make all the difference. Learn more about Mary Washington Healthcare Grief Support Services’ support groups, school programs, children’s camps, and community education by visiting https://www.marywashingtonhealthcare.com/our-services/hospice/grief-support-services/ or by contacting Mary Beaven via email at [email protected] or phone at 540-205-0502.